You cannot live a normal existence if you haven’t taken care of a problem that affects your life and affects the lives of others; values that you hold which in fact define your very existence  – Wole Soyinka.

How so true! Here we are trying to navigate through what has become our new normal. Let’s accept; it isn’t easy. We gotta talk. Before we fully shift, we need to express it.  I feel it. I value being in the company of family, my friends and sisters even without an agenda. It truly activates the feel good hormones dopamine, endorphins and serotonin. I miss the spontaneity of activities, the laughter, the crying together, the realness i feel when with them.
We are collectivist by our African nature. China Achebe, in his book, Things Fall Apart says,
” A man who calls his kinsmen to a feast does not do so to save them from starving. They all have food in their own homes. When we gather together in the moonlit village ground it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so.”

When we can’t meet face to face, we can’t attend weddings and burials, not even witness the not too decent burial for closure purposes, nor even visit the sick in hospital  we feel stressed! When we can’t just have a social evening out or when we are not able to go to church and simply get it off our system through song and dance we get stressed! When we can’t shake hands, even fist to fist, or even hug, stress is the result. Psychologist Virginia Satir emphasized the importance of hugging. Thank God for phones. Pray tell, what would we have done without them in this season of containment and the one meter rule? They have enabled us to stay in touch ensuring some form of sanity is maintained. Nonetheless, the time spent in each other’s company even when there’s silence makes a whole lot of difference . Now that proximity has been measured there’s bound to be stress. Money is important but relationships are even more important. Let’s talk about it. We are Africans. It matters. Yet move on we must with what’s new to us for our existence sake.
If we don’t , hapa hapa or humu humu sets in. That pain on the lowerback, the pain in the middle of the shoulder blades, the eye strain, the ringing in the ears, the palpitations, chest pain, lower abdominal pain, the limbs. Could it be stress playing out? What of  our cognitions? They get affected too. Illogical thinking,forgetfulness, poor attention and concentration, self destructive behaviour and neglect, emotional outbursts , perhaps questioning more than ever before whether God truly exists or perhaps you are even better anchored to the things of God etc. What of vegetative symptoms? Are you sleeping too much or too little, is your appetite large or small, is your digestive system functioning as it should?sexually, is your libido gone?

Keep the conversation alive. Use what’s available to chat and be real with your sounding board.  For me the connection with my inner circle and a “come with your cup of coffee” chat over zoom just to touch base gives me a boost. Get it off your chest! Sing, dance, listen to music, do your thing, exercise, laugh it out, drink water, cry, maintain sleep hygiene, take a brisk walk,  have plenty of self talk. Seek help should you need to. Just do something about it.  We are resilient! We will make it. We are Africans. We pray that one day we shall adjust the factory settings and get back to our being together. For now, connect, converse and come through for one another.